Maybe I'm a little bit over my head...

• it's when i'm standing six feet away from you & not being able to find the words to tell you how much i love you & how much i miss you that i want to just scream to the whole room that i'm still in love with you. it's when i'm sitting alone with the phone in my hand dialing your number & hanging up that i would trade a thousand tomorrows for just one yesterday. then i could just call you to tell you goodnight. it's when i am really sad about something & need someone to talk to that i realize you're the only one who really knew me at all. it's when i cry myself to sleep at night & it hits me how much i would give to hold you at that very moment. it's when i think about you that i realize no one else in the world is meant for me
• You told me once I made you smile, but we both know damn well I didn't. I'm not much of a jester, but I'd test poisoned food for you
• ....When all else failed, for some reason I thought you'd still be there
• No matter what you do to me, I'm still here. For some odd reason, I stick around and put up with all your mood swings and unkind words. I just let your comments roll off me into a puddle on the floor. I make up excuses on why you didn't call … try to think of all the answers. I keep going back for more even though sometimes you push me away. I don't know if I can do better, but do I really want to? You're quick to push me down when all I want is to be brought up. When I walk out for good, when I really gain the strength I need … then maybe you will see. Maybe you can look back and say, "Wow … that girl really did love me."
• I had a feeling those looks you gave me were real, what if I ripped your heat apart at the seams, maybe then you'd know how I feel. But that day will most likely never come for me, and it's just my luck to end up, getting stuck to everything you are. So tonight I'll pick apart your pictures, and over analyze your words, the truth is that I've never fallen so hard, it's talomg everything in me, just to forget your sweater so far. I can honestly say, that I never ever ever felt this way, your lips, your eyelashes, your skin, these are the parts of your body that cause my comatose to begin. I will sleep another day, I don't really need to anyway, what's the point when my dreams are infected with words you used to say. I will breathe in a moment, as long as I keep my distance, I wouldn't wanna go messing anything up. So don't worry about me, it's not like I think about you constantly, so maybe I do... but that shouldn't affect your life anymore, I knew the moment you walked in through the door. And I'll let you get the best of me, cause theres nothing else that I do better. I'll be the giver, you'll be the taker, I guess that's how this one's gonna go, I'll be the giver, you'll be the taker, you got me down on my knees and I proclaim... All Hail the Heartbreaker
• when you get lonely if no one's around you know that i'll catch you when you're falling down. we came together but you left alone & i know how it feels to walk out on your own. maybe someday i will see you again & you'll look me in my eyes & call me your friend
• he can be so nice, then so mean. he can care & protect, make you laugh, & at the same time play games with your head.. & after he's done with that, he'll tear your heart out, rip it in to the smallest fragments known to man & leave it on the floor, while all you can do is stand there, not being able to cry because you're so numb, because you thought that there was something there, when really there was nothing but a wayward boy out to break a poor girls fragile heart, because he didn't know what he wanted

the way I feel: numb

music of my soul: the new green day cd

Wow guys it's been like, a month. I've been so freaking busy though it's not even funny.  Let's see, I don't even remember the last time I updated, I think it was on Amy's birthday...but I could be wrong.  So anyways. Main things that have happened in my life from then::
-My grandma:: she came back from the hospital about 5 days ago but we had to put her cat to sleep while she was in the hospital.  Danny was just too sick to live anymore.  So that was sad.  My grandma has no hair anymore, she has to wear a wig.  It's so heartbreaking to see her though, she just looks so vulnerable + scared + just...not herself.
-Homecoming:: Juniors rocked the school this year.  We won almost every event, basically because we're just plain better than the seniors :-P orrr because the seniors tried to cheat + ended up losing anyways.  I lost my voice for a good day or two.  Um we lost the homecoming game against...Timon?  I think AQ football really sucks this year + if anyone wants to argue with me on that, be my guest coz you're just an idiot if you think they're good.  The dance was dec though. Mazz, Mike, Tony, Aaron, + tons of other cool people were there.  Before the dance, me, Dennis, Kristen, Dustin, Matt, Tom, Liz, Nick, Sam & a few other people went to Applebees.  That was cool but I think Den-den blew my eardrums with his subs on the way to the dance....
-Work:: I've been getting a lot of hours which is awesome coz I definitely need the money. I do birthday parties like every single time I'm working.  I got a tip the other day though (($10)) so that was cool.  + some of the party people are really good so I can't really complain.  OH + I never want to eat pizza again because I have just seen it + made it + served it + watched it being eaten toooooo many freakin times. Ugh.
-Love Life:: D.O.A. haha. Guys = confusing. If you like me, tell me.  If you don't, don't lead me on. k? k. Basically I think it would be a lot easier for me if I weren't so boy crazy. Then I wouldn't have to worry about it all the time.  Of course, the guy I want is "dating" someone else I'm pretty sure, or thats the impression that I  get anyways. Idk, maybe I should give up on guys anyways. I mean, they're always like, "yeah we'll chill, i'll call you" + they nnnever do. Awesome, it does wonders for my self-esteem.
-School:: Pretty good. I'm getting awesome grades this year.  When I get my interim ((five-week report)) I'll post my grades when I get the chance. Nothing else really to say about that.
-Kevin:: RIP Kevin Harrison. he died on october 7th at like 3 in the morning. I guess he was going really fast in his car + crashed on Flower City + he + his girlfriend ((Molly)) died but one of his friends survived. The wake is in like, 2 hours + I have no black pants to wear.
-Today:: Kayleigh + I went to Dennys for brunch + stuffed our faces, haha. Then we drove around for a while, visited Tommy to see what time he was going to Kevins wake, came back home, + blah. Kay's mom won tickets to see Usher tonight in Albany + she got backstage passes. I'm sooooo jealous, lol. So that's where she is.

{Upcoming Events}::
-October 29- Halloween part @ Maiden w/ Tommy + Kayleigh + like a million others.
-October 30- Fright Fest @ Darien with Julie + Kayleigh
-Halloween!!!! - scaring kids + "ding dong ditch"
-November 5- Green Day, NFG, + Sugarcult concert @ Blue Cross w/ Julie, Kelly + Kayleigh ((2nd ROW BABY!!!!))
-November 13- my sisters 7th birthday :-)
-this weekend ((I think))- haunted hayride in williamson w/ Kayleigh & Julie + whoever else wants to go.
-Tomorrow- PSATs :-/ then work 12.30-4
-October 22- The Grudge comes out!!! Which I must see.
-First week in December- my cousins coming up!!!
-Spring Break- ITALY w/ SCHOOL!!!!! cant wait guys!

alright thats it for now. I know you all missed me so leave some comments coz i missed you too!!!

"The nights are getting colder.
The red light's on, it's over.
To give up now doesn't make much sense.
So this is my goodbye.
Surprised, because I thought I could walk you home tonight,
but you're leaving me here on the defense.

Goodbye, I'm not going to waste this time,
this light that burns will keep on fading.
Goodnight, I'm not getting up off of this ride,
I'm holding tight until I can feel alive.

I've written you this letter,
got it back return to sender.
But I just can't remember you being quite like that.
Misunderstand, we're holding hands,
we're at the beach, we're throwing sand.
As the lights just go up all around us,
I can't believe it's over.

I'm sitting under falling stars.
Do you miss me where you are?
I'm making plans to be with you.
But have they come unglued?
What am I do to without you?

The nights are getting warm again.
They've let you go, I let you in.
Everything you're saying sounds right tonight.
The waves are crashing on and on.
We're running even if we're wrong.
This force is driving me to test the speed of light"

// Goodbye, Goodnight || Mae \\

the way I feel: indescribable

music of my soul: "goodbye, goodnight" -mae

Main reason for this post:: HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMYYYYY!!! ((</a></a>xpaczbaybe )) love ya, hope your day was great! I'm def. coming to the next RPW show, so lemme know when it is!

In other, nonimportant news:
~I'm very sick..bronchitis...or mono...or something.
~Terry broke my heart
~I have poison ivy practically everywhere on my body
~Got a B on my first math test, which is good for me!
~I might be buying Brandons car when he sells it
~I got my permit about a week ago
~Cute boy in school = smiled at me today, hah. Apparently (as I am told) he couldnt take his eyes off me today, lol. why man? I put no effort into my appearance today whatsoever.
~Homecoming= 2 weeks!!!
~If I sell 8 magazines for school, I get 1 week of dressdown!!
~Tomorrow is picture day.....ew.

the way I feel: accomplished

music of my soul: "My Boo"-Usher feat. alicia keyes

So I made a "Love Life Cycle" CD tonight. It's like...the cycle of love. It's mad cool. Here are the songs in order of the cycle//why they're there.

1. = "Blue and Yellow" -The Used::  Says if you're looking for love, you won't find it. Let it come to you.
2. = "Things I'll Never Say" -Avril Lavigne:: describes the feelings of a crush at first  ((the emotions)): being shy, wishing it would turn into something, etc.
3. = "Stellar" -Incubus:: talks about being infatuated + feeling like you never have before.
4. = "The Way" -Clay Aiken:: describes why you're infatuated with this person.
5. = "Tonight" -Sara Evans:: kinda scared that it won't last, + how the person completely swept you off your feet.
6. = "Promise" -Eve 6:: relationship is new, trust is fragile, + they're promising not to hurt the other.
7. = "Sweetest Sin" -Jessica Simpson:: pretty self explanitory, expresses the desire between the two.
8. = "B R Right" -Ludacris & Trina:: expresses EXTREME desire!
9. = "Tonight" -Westlife::renewed desire, sensual.
10. = "You & I Both"-Jason Mraz:: A little rocky, they're drifting apart.
11. = "Swear It Again" -Westlife:: says they really do love eachother, there was just confusion before.
12. = "Slowdance on the Inside" -Taking Back Sunday:: and it's all downhill from here...
13. = "A Decade Under the Influence" -Taking Back Sunday:: a little steeper, things are turning sour.
14. = "Miserable" -LIT:: talking about how they were//still sorta are in love with the person but they make them feel miserable.
15. = "Change" -Good Charlotte:: a moving on song, about change + losing yourself. This is the break up song.
16. = "That's So You" -The Rocket Summer:: how predictable of the other person. You are heartbroken.
17. = "I Miss You" -Incubus:: the relationship was perfect, you realize + you miss it.
18. = "Hopelessly" -Train:: Why do things have to change? Heartbreaking. Shattering.
19. = "Viva Forever" -Spice Girls:: reminising about the relationship, saying they'll be waiting for the other for the rest of their lives.

Anyways. Going to listen to it now. I think it's a pretty neat idea. Today = MCQ vs. AQ game. 27-23 AQ!!! we won, bitches. MCQ played a mad good game though. Tomorrow = work + out with Jenna?? Unless she's hanging with Amy...Tuesday= Canandaigua with Jenna to see Mike + RICKY! hahaha that kid, man. Anyway, between right now + work at 2 tomorrow, I need to re-start The Color of Water ((the last book I need to read for school)) coz I don't remember ANYTHING of what I read, + finish it. Coz if I don't, no hanging with Jenna//no Canandaigua!!!! NOOO!!!!!! So I'm outtie.

the way I feel: anxious

music of my soul: "Change" -Good Charlotte

Last few days have been the best days of my life. no freakin joke. Jenna is my LIFE//WIFE//....anything else that rhymes? lol. Our song= "B R Right" -Ludacris & Trina :D Okay lets see. Quick recap:: Tuesday night:: went bowling, the clubhouse + hooters at like midnight, lol. Wednesday:: um? don't remember but I was with jenna, lol. I think we took her bro to his game in Holley then hung out...not sure though, lol. Thursday:: Slept at Jennas house, hung at Adventure Landing till 1 am. Came back to her house, watched the 3rd austin powers. Friday:: metJoe Lovall & Joe Masi & Angelo P....wow dont even wanna try to spell it. Um, worked 3-8, came back to Jennas, met her boyfriend Mike, um rented The Girl Next Door + a playstation game from Blockbuster, uh came back to her house, stayed up till like 3 am. Talked to Mike D, Brandon, Joe, + Angelo...woke up today + went to work 1-4. Went home for the first time in 48 hours. Went back out with Jenna, Joe Masi, Joe Lovall + Presto ((Angelo)). we met at the beach. Most. romantic. thing. ever. thats all im gonna say. Not with all three guys of course. just one. tomorrow= AQ vs. MCQ game @ 1. Hanging out with Jenna tomorrow night. Monday = work 3-8 or something. then prolly sleeping at Jennas again coz we're going up to Canandaigua or HOWEVER THE FUCK U SPELL IT!!!! to visit her boyfriend or w/e on Tuesday. Wednesday = SCHOOL!!! I love life right now.

( Oh? Nah. lol Jenna )
</em>

the way I feel: loved

music of my soul: "Head Sprung" - LL cool J feat. Timbaland

wow anyways, who loves their job? I do! The people I work with are absolutely wonderful. Shannon, Jenna!!, Katie, Kellie, Hollie, Theresa, + the other Jenna. They're so sweet, it's amazing. I have never felt so welcome somewhere in my entire life, although the first day at AQ comes pretty close. The guys are all great too. Brandon, Mike, Jeff, Brian, Tom...great guys. They're all sweethearts too.  I can't believe it. I mean, I'm hanging out with Katie, Shannon + Kellie sometime coz we've all made plans, tonight I'm hanging out with Jenna, Mike + Brandon. I've made some amazing friends, and I couldnt be happier. Jenna is so cool, I love her sooo freakin much! + Brandon is hilarious, haha hes one of the shift managers. Anyways.

I took a shift Friday from 3-8, so now I have more hours this week. I work with Mike + Jenna almost every day this week. Kayleigh + Julie came into work today. I gave 'em 40 tokens. I love those girls. So yeah. Work was mad fun.

Jenna's picking me up in about an hour + we're driving her brother to his bball game in Holley, then we're coming back to chill until Brandon gets off work at 6. Then we're all gonna hang out ((Mike, Brandon, Jenna + me)) tonight wherever, haha.

I'm gonna go watch American Wedding for the second time in 24 hours, haha. I absolutely want that movie. If someone buys it for me, I'll love them forever. Gah. <3 Stifler <3

the way I feel: amazing

music of my soul: "One Thing" -Finger Eleven

Hi. I have a jobbbbb! I got it on Tuesday, + I started the next day. It's at Adventure Landing + I get paid over minimum, so HA to all you suckas Anyway, here's my week.

( Monday, you can fall apart, Tuesday... )

( ...Wednesday, break my heart... )

( Thursday doesn't even start... )

( It's Friday, I'm in love... )

I have a picture website, foo's. Go to it now. It's not quite done, but there's pictures on there that I found places. There will be more added to each album when I get the chance. But for now, it'll do. www.picturetrail.com/aqbabygirl06

( New mix cd )

Work schedule through Saturday, the 4th::
Saturday ((tomorrow)): 1-5
Sunday: 8-midnight
Monday: OFF
Tuesday: 10-1
Wednesday: 3-8
Thursday: 2-7
Friday: OFF
Saturday: 1-4
Sunday: OFF FOR THE BIG GAME!!!

This entry has been long enough. I'm going to go continue organizing my room + maybe start The Color of Water for school. Two down, one to go. ((First one was Something Wicked This Way Comes, by the way.

8 DAYS TILL MCQ vs. AQ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the way I feel: happy

music of my soul: "Friday I'm in Love" -The Cure

I think Lita is the most gorgeous woman in the universe:

+ Shane West is the hottest guy in the world:

that is all.

the way I feel: imaginative

music of my soul: Lita's theme song

It all just kinda hit me at once...

My grandma, my best friend, my idol...is in the hospital.

My other grandma was taken to the emergency room and admitted to the hospital tonight.

And on top of that, my best friend hurt me beyond words. Tonight, of all nights, when I needed his shoulder...he walks away. HE WALKED AWAY. Like he hated me, or was embarrassed of me. It really, truly broke my heart.

<//3

the way I feel: numb

music of my soul: "Hear You Me" -Jimmy Eat World

( If you like Bush, don't click. )

In other news, I am now reading The Five People You Meet In Heaven by Mitch Albom coz I've heard it's really touching. Then I plan on reading Angels & Demons by Dan Brown coz my "grandma", who's in the hospital, let me borrow it coz she loved it.

I bought the Ryan Cabrera CD. It's amazing. I also bought two scary DVDs, + a white/pink skirt. I bought a few shirts from AE today too.

Umm, lets see. Movies I absolutely NEED to see:
-Alien vs. Predator
-Open Water
-Exorcist: The Beginning
+ more that I can't think of now. I'm a movie slut.

Got the pictures back from Disney today. Me + Jordan + Amanda = SoooOOO cute! Those two were so great. I miss them <3

the way I feel: amused

music of my soul: "Breaking the habit" -linkin park

Friends cut. These are the people who are being cut b/c they don't have me listed as a friend. If you are one of these people + want to stay, comment + add me, + I'll be happy to keep you :)

bloodsmeared
bustamove07
dreaminginred *I love this person :( *
kandykissx3 *babyyy, add me back!*
l0c0dantes *albert...why? lol*
rodeogirl69
timsnakedagain *timmy!!*
xomardagoox
youknowido *jennifer leigh *tear*

However, I am not cutting::

charmedgoddess2 , liljulay , mdrndaypirate + mestupkid1290  coz they either: a. just made a journal so they could see mine coz they're my very closest friends, b. don't know how to add friends but still my bestest friends in real life.

In other news, my mom//Kayleigh threw a sorta surprise b-day party for me :) It was extreme bowling at AMF Dewey Lanes, + only my closest friends were there. Apparently they had invited Kristen, Nick, + Sam but none could make it *tear* But it was fun anyways. Karen, JULIE!!, Mike, Mazz + Kayleigh were there. It was a lot of fun. I bowled soooo much! I got the best presents from Kayleigh + Julie, I love those girls.

Anyway, I'm gonna go eat something coz I'm going out with Karen later today to eat + see The Village coz Mike + Mazz couldnt wait + saw it without me >:(

the way I feel: hungry

music of my soul: "69 Tea" -Seether

Ok. So I just got back from the dentists office.  They had to re-surface two of my molars.  I'm a scaredy cat when it comes to dealing with my mouth. I freak. I don't want your hands in my mouth, I don't want you to pick at my teeth, I don't want that mini vacuum thing sucking my saliva, and I definitely don't want a needle puncturing my gums. I was scared coz I didn't know if I'd need novicain this time.  I never have in the future, but there's a first time for everything. My doctor said I could use it if I wanted, but it wasn't going to be as bad as some of the ones I've had in the past. I didn't use it, of course there was some sensitivity, but there always is.

I'm usually not such a big baby about needles. I can stand them when I need a shot in my arm or something, I'll get a little anxious, but I'm fine. If I ever had to get novicain or anything like that, I'd cry + they'd prolly have to hold me down. Seriously, it's like, getoutofmymouthNOWplease. I hate pain in my mouth...my retainers, canker sores, burns, SHOTS. Arg. So yeah, thats the stuff that bothers me.

How bout the rain this summer? "Dear Mother Nature, Hello. Thanks for the rain. But it's making things worse for the farmers  + such. + it's a pain in the ass. So I think I speak for everyone when I say, stop raining so much. Thanks."  It just so happened that it was storming//thundering + lightening//hailing when I was in the dentists office freaking out as it was.  But of course, I had to have ear shattering thunder, blinding lightening, + deafening hail the whole time. The power flickered for a few seconds when they were filling my sealants or whatever they were doing. It was nerveracking. But it's over, no novicain, so I'm good for now.

Kayleigh's going to be here in a few seconds, so I'll end this entry. Tootles. Leave some comments, I like them.

the way I feel: relieved

music of my soul: "Almost Over" -Limp Bizkit

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the way I feel: satisfied

music of my soul: "Pieces of Me" - Ashlee Simpson